


I've Got A Renegade Heart & It's Screaming Your Name

by Ninyaaaaaaah



Series: If All Is Fair In Love & War, I Can't Do This Anymore [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alexander Hamilton - Freeform, Angst, Fantasy AU, Fluff, Laflams, M/M, Marquis de Lafayette - Freeform, Smut, hamlaf, m/m - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-14 14:55:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11210412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ninyaaaaaaah/pseuds/Ninyaaaaaaah
Summary: Why does anyone go to war?Love? Glory? Something to prove? Something to do?The people of Va'an have long been oppressed by the Lindel nation. War broke out between the two nations centuries ago, so long that no one now remembers why it began. Va'an has been quiet for decades, held fast under a rule that slowly chokes the life from its people.Now, they have risen up to try to take back what's theirs. They have succeeded before, and they have been beaten down before.For Alexander, there is nothing more important than winning this war.Nothing.Or... is there?





	1. Chapter 1

The sun fell slowly from the sky over a quieting camp. Deep reds and oranges washing the valley in a false calm. The sounds of the camp settling – horses shifting on their picket lines, tents going up, soldiers lining up for dinner, the healers tending to the wounded, soft chinking of armour… it woke Alex’s blood.

The young scout slipped into his leather armour as his comrades disarmed. Strapped on his sword, checked his boot knife, pulled his hair back and out of the way. The day’s march had been long, and hot, but the scouts were always permitted to ride on the healers’ wagons for the last couple of hours, if there was room.

Alex checked his gear one last time, and stepped out into the dying light of day. No fires tonight, not in insecure territory. The mages had been unable to get a read on the Linden army, and they were hoping fervently that at the very least, their own mages were having the same effect on the enemy.

But, better safe than sorry.

That’s where the scouts came in.

Alex checked in with the scout master, nodded at a pair of foot soldiers as he passed, and slipped out of camp with the last tendrils of sunlight.

The forest was quiet, and after the hustle and drone of an army moving camp, Alex relished it. He waved at the sentry, and disappeared into the night.

Padding silently through the forest, Alex’s senses were on high alert. He noted every rustle of leaves, every change in light, every breath of breeze. There was nothing out here. The enemy army was safely out of range. Just a little farther, and then he would turn West, scout his way to the edge of his territory, and return back to camp for midnight, and let Burr take over for second shift.

He wanted to be on the front lines, fighting for freedom, fighting for his people.

For now, this would do.

To be safe, he ventured out of the range he was supposed to scout, further away from camp. They weren’t supposed to, but what if, what if?

He spent his whole life chasing ‘what if’.

Alex stepped out of the trees into a patch of moonlight, little creek trickling merrily over the rocks. He was about to step into the water when he heard a splash, and froze.

He was not alone.

He was caught in the dark gaze of a stranger, who had one foot in the stream, and stood as frozen as Alex.

The stranger was tall, with dark curls pulled back into a ponytail, and deep brown skin. Alex never would have seen him if he hadn’t made a sound. How did someone so tall, with so much presence now that Alex had noticed him, move so quietly? In a heartbeat, Alex took in the stranger’s finely worked leather armour, the high quality sword on his hip, the tiny insignia on the wrist of his glove. Linden.

“Ah… good evening.”

Alex snorted at the preposterous notion that this Linden scout was greeting him, and rather politely, rather than running him through with a sword.

“Our camp’s that way.”

Alex pointed wildly off in the wrong direction. The stranger raised an eyebrow.

“Somehow I do not believe that to be true.”

His voice was the polite lilt of the upper class, but oh… it was smooth as honey, too. Alex blinked, shaking his head slightly, couldn’t believe he felt captivated by this stranger, this enemy.

The stranger crossed the stream and approached, and quick as lightning Alex’s hand was on the hilt of his sword, every muscle poised to fight. The stranger froze, raised his empty hands.

“Peace, friend. I have no interest in killing you.”

Alex frowned, and scoffed a bitter laugh.

“Friend? You’re no friend of mine.”

The stranger had the gall to look hurt by that. It was Alex’s turn to raise an eyebrow incredulously, and then his jaw dropped when the stranger unbuckled his sword and tossed it aside, removed his boot dagger and tossed that aside too, and held out a hand to Alex.

“My name is Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette. My friends call me Lafayette.”

Alex just stared for a long, long moment. Neither of them moved, Lafayette’s hand outstretched between them.

“…what the fuck is wrong with you?”

He still had his hand on the hilt of his sword. They were in the middle of a war for gods sake, and this stranger was trying to make friends with him? Shake his hand? Was this a game to him?

“Nothing? I am simply… not wishing to mindlessly kill everyone I see in this melee. I have no quarrel with you.”

“You have… no quarrel… with me? Last time I checked you were in an army fighting to relentlessly squash my people under your thumb because we had something you wanted, so actually, yes, you do have a quarrel with me. What do you think this is, fun and games?”

Alex could feel his blood boiling at the flippant attitude of this handsome stranger.

“Of course it is not fun and games, though it is much less exciting than I had originally anticipated. I do not feel particularly passionate about our cause, I must admit, however it seemed more interesting than sitting at home. And so, you see, no quarrel.”

Alex was struck dumb, speechless for perhaps the first time in his entire life. He gaped, open mouthed at Lafayette. His life, his entire life, had been spent in repression by these people, and their army couldn’t even be bothered to care about what they were fighting for? Did they take it so for granted? Did they not realize what they’d done? These were his people, his life, his village languishing in poverty and starvation while this stranger decided to play at war because it seemed ‘more interesting’ than his other options?

“You… you… you think war is interesting!? You do think this is a game. I… oh for the love of all that is- forget it. Forget it, I swear. Honestly. I… wow. Just… whatever the fuck your name is… you’re disgusting, you know that?”

Still spluttering with rage, Alex turned and fled back into the trees. He finished his scout without anything else eventful happening, and returned to camp still near blind with anger.

“Alex, how-“

“Save it Burr. No issues. Light to thine eyes.”

Alex snapped out the traditional good luck phrase and stalked past Burr, right into his tent, absolutely seething.


	2. Chapter 2

The next night, Alex was glowering before he even left camp. He’d been in a foul mood all day, chewed out his best best friend Angelica, skipped dinner, sulked around the lines – the army was resting today, which always had Alex ready to climb out of his own skin with impatient tension and taught nerves, but last night’s encounter had him even more edgy than usual.

So perhaps he wasn’t as attentive as he normally was.

Whatever the reason, he didn’t hear anyone coming until there was an arm around his waist yanking him back against a body, hand clamped over his mouth.

“Don’t struggle. I won’t hurt you.”

Lafayette’s voice.

Of all the-

Alex bit Lafayette’s hand, kicked him in the shin, struggled wildly-

Only to be dumped unceremoniously on the ground, and sat on, Lafayette’s hand on the back of his head, holding him down. He had a face full of dirt and grass, the leather taste of Lafayette’s glove in his mouth, and Lafayette seated soundly in the middle of his back. Of all the ridiculous things.

“Tap twice on the ground to indicate that you agree not to shout, and I will let your head up.”

Lafayette’s voice, totally calm, totally unfazed.

Left with no choice but to surrender or choke on dirt, Alex smacked the ground twice with his right hand.

Immediately, the hand on the back of his head disappeared.

Alex spat out dirt and twisted, glaring at Lafayette over his shoulder.

“What the hell are you playing at?!”

“I wished to speak with you again, and I was concerned you might run me through with your sword before we had a chance to do so, if you saw me before I disabled you.”

Lafayette shrugged, a cheeky glimmer in his eye, small smirk on his face.

“So you grabbed and sat on me instead?”

Alex was spitting mad, wished his knife was at his hip instead of in his boot, where he might be able to reach it.

“Yes. It seemed the safest for me. Now, may I try to explain myself a little better to you, my little prickle bush?”

Lafayette was watching him, expression soft, and Alex was struck for a moment with amazement that anyone could look so perfectly put together and serene in the midst of a war.

“I’m not your prickle bush. Or anyone’s. I’m not a- ugh. Fine, sure, whatever, it’s not like I have a choice, right?”

Alex folded his arms under his head and let his chin rest there, resigned to his fate for the moment.

“No, you do not have a choice.”

Lafayette grinned, and rested his elbows on his knees, looking out into the forest.

“Comfortable?”

Alex’s question was pointed, and he tried to kick Lafayette with a foot, but couldn’t quite get there.

“Quite. You make an excellent seat. Now, I fear that I have made light of something which is most certainly not light to you, and I did not intend that. All I know is what we were taught by our tutors, and I joined the army yes, because I was bored, but-“

Alex couldn’t keep quiet at that.

“You were bored. So you decided to help put down an entire group of already oppressed peoples who-“

He was cut off by a finger to his lips and a pointed shake of Lafayette’s head.

“Do not make me gag you with my glove. I am not done.”

Something charged passed between them in that moment, Alex struck dumb once again by the thought that this stranger would gag him with a glove. That this handsome, bizarre stranger would gag him with a glove…

He glared with renewed force, angry that he had managed to be distracted from his anger.

“As I was saying. Yes, I was bored. Is that an admirable reason to go to war…”

Lafayette shrugged here, taking back his finger before Alex had a chance to bite it.

“No, not really I suppose. But why does anyone, prickle bush? Glory? Pay? To prove that they are right, or that they are simply bigger and stronger? Are these reasons any better? No don’t answer, I’m still speaking. The world that we grow up learning is a small and narrow one, taught by aged and narrow people. I wanted to see more, and the more I have seen the more I have realized that perhaps there is more to the story. That the people we are fighting are also, in fact, people.”

He paused for a moment, staring at the ground by his feet, something soft and open in his expression. Alex huffed a sigh, the weight of Lafayette’s body on his back beginning to grow painful.

“You’re not honestly surprised of that, are you?”

He asked, slightly less venom in his words than before. Lafayette nodded, and looked over, meeting Alex’s gaze.

“I am. We are not taught, not encouraged, to look at the humanity of anyone but ourselves. What is your name, little prickle bush?”

Lafayette held his gaze, and Alex just stared, silent for a long moment.

“Uhm. Alexander Hamilton.”

“Alexander.”

Lafayette made a low hum of pleasure, and grinned.

“Lovely. There, now I know the name of one of you, you are that much more human to me. You see? Now, if I let you up, do you promise not to run me through with your sword? I’m quite comfortable, but I daresay you likely aren’t?”

Alex responded with a rude hand gesture.

Lafayette sighed.

“I suppose that’s a no. Shame. I’ll just sit here, then. Now, I know you have work to do, however I do wish to continue speaking with you. Will you meet me again? Tomorrow night? The creek where we first met? That is far enough out of either camp that we should not be discovered. I… should like to learn about you, about your people. You have not yet told me what your honorable reason for fighting a war is? Since mine is clearly not…”

Alex couldn’t believe the audacity of this man. Yet…

“Yes, fine, whatever, I’ll meet you just after midnight. Will you let me up now? I promise not to run you through with my sword. Tonight.”

He couldn’t help it. He was intrigued.

“Or your knife.”

Lafayette was grinning still, and Alexander realized with an indignant jolt that he was enjoying this exchange. Far too much. Huffed an annoyed sigh.

“Or my knife.”

“Or any other weapon you may have concealed on your person.”

“Oh for the love of – I promise not to run you through. With anything. Tonight or tomorrow or any other night, okay? Now let me up!”

He was met with an extended hand, pinky out. He blinked, perplexed.

Lafayette sighed a long suffering sigh, as if it was his patience that was being tested.

“Pinky promise me.”

“You have got to be fucking kidding me- ugh. Fine!”

Alex hooked his pinky around Lafayette’s, shook it, and let go, still glaring daggers at his captor.

Smiling, Lafayette stood up.

“Be well, little prickle bush.”

He melted back into the trees, and, feeling disgruntled, Alex headed off to finish his patrol.


	3. Chapter 3

The third night, Alex finished his patrol, passed his territory off to Burr, ducked around a few tents and slipped back into the forest unseen. He felt on edge, strung tighter than a bowstring. There had been no action, and while the army needed a rest, Alex was worried. What was coming their way?

He wound his way through the trees and out of scouting range, walked up the creek bed in bare feet, his boots in his hand, so as not to leave any tracks. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky tonight, and the bright light only made Alex edgier. He moved as silently as he could through the stream, tension humming through his taught muscles. Finally, he came upon the small clearing he’d first met Lafayette in, and the taller scout melted out of the shadows as if he himself was made of shadow.

“Alexander. I am pleasantly surprised that you decided to meet me.”

Alex raised an eyebrow and snorted derisively.

“I figured you’d track me down, tie me up, and make good on your threat to gag me with a glove if I didn’t show.”

Lafayette gave him a long, measured look that had him flushing and looking away, watching the water bubble over the rocks in the shallow stream. 

“Well. That could be fun also, but it wasn’t quite what I had in mind this evening.”

Lafayette’s voice was a low purr that went straight to Alex’s groin. He could feel his flush deepening, heat creeping up the back of his neck. 

“You’re not tying me up or gagging me with gloves!”

He snapped, angry with this stranger for making light of everything still, and for himself for feeling attracted to him at all. This was the enemy, this man who was part of the army intent on killing his people just because he was bored of sitting at home. How he could possibly feel any semblance of attraction to him – he was disgusted with himself. 

Lafayette shrugged, and seated himself on the ground at the edge of the clearing, looking as though he hadn’t a care in the world.

“You are the one who brought it up, little prickle bush.”

Alex sat near Lafayette – just out of arms reach – and busied himself toying with his sleeve, flustered.

“I didn’t- you- ugh! What do you want?!”

Alex finally glared at Lafayette, off kilter and out of his element with the suave stranger. Lafayette only smiled in return, which only served to make Alex angrier. 

“It is like I said the other night. I want to know you.”

Lafayette let his hands rest on his knees, completely relaxed, cool and calm and so composed it wasn’t even fair. 

“Why?”

Alex didn’t trust this stranger one bit, even if something in him was drawn to him like a moth to a flame. 

“Because, as you say, being bored is not a very good reason for fighting in a war, and we have been at this far too long with far too much bloodshed on both sides-“

Lafayette raised a hand to stop Alex’s protests before they left his tongue, mouth open and gaping, a wordless splutter of anger escaping his throat. 

“-yes, both sides. I have lost dear friends to your army, and there doesn’t appear to be an end in sight, and it was your people who began the conflicts this time-“

“We wouldn’t have to if we weren’t stuck so far under your thumb that we have no other choice!”

Alex couldn’t keep from interrupting, nearly rising from his seat on the ground in anger, every muscle in his body tight with badly concealed rage. 

“You always have a choice, Alexander. However, I did not say it was unjustified. Regardless, no one, at least no one on our end, knows the reason these conflicts began in the first place, all those years ago. Do you?”

Alex thought hard, on everything he’d been taught his whole life, the things the village elders passed down to them. Legends, stories, speculation… he had to admit, after a long moment, that the answer was no. Shook his head. Softened a little.

“No.”

But did it really matter? 

“But how does that excuse any of this?! The war, the way our people are treated, Lafayette of course we’re fighting back. When you back people into a corner of course they’re going to lash out. Our choice was fight or die!”

Alex’s voice rose as his anger rose and he couldn’t sit still, up on his hands and knees and directing all his rage at Lafayette because Lafayette was here and was asking and was the enemy dammit. 

Lafayette sighed, and reached out a hand. Touched two fingers underneath Alex’s chin and stopped him cold with that gentle touch. His eyes widened and he stared at Lafayette, amazed at his brazenness, his collected calm… everything.

“I did not say it did. Please, do not shout at me.”

Alex sat back down, and Lafayette’s hand dropped away. 

“Don’t shout at you? For the love of… if we met on a battle field one of us would be killing the other and you’re worried about a bit of yelling?”

“Yes, if only because I don’t want to draw undue attention to this rendezvous.”

Alex paled, ice through his veins. If they were caught… if he was seen… he’d be gutted for a traitor without a second thought, and not unjustified, either. If he caught one of his comrades like this… 

“Shit you’re right.”

He scooted closer so they could talk in lower tones, and Lafayette smiled softly.

“That’s better. Now… I know we’re fighting. I know we’re on opposite sides of a fight here, but I want to know you. Not your reasons for fighting this war, just… you. Who is Alexander?”

Alex frowned, confused at this change in tactic. 

“Uh… why?”

Lafayette shrugged again, and pulled an apple from his pack. He sliced it neatly in half, and offered half to Alex. 

“Because I don’t believe in dehumanizing the enemy.”

Alex eyed the apple suspiciously.

“I’m not eating that. I uh… what do you want to know?”

He shifted a bit, getting more comfortable. There was the slightest breeze, and in the edges of moonlight, Alex felt a little slice of peace despite himself. 

“Hmm. How about… well, what does your village look like? I have never seen it. Describe it for me?”

Lafayette shifted and stretched out on his back on the ground, hands behind his head, completely at ease. He looked up at Alex with a smile, and Alex shook his head a little. 

“Well. It’s up on a cliff, and the farmland is fertile and rolling below, where the crops are grown and the animals grazed… it’s pretty nice to look at, even though we get no benefit from all of that labour. There’s no forest, not like this, not anymore. They say there used to be more? Anyway…”

He relaxed more despite himself, talking about home and realizing that despite the hardships there, he missed it.

“The ocean is right there and… if you’ve never seen it, well. There’s nothing like it. It goes forever, just blue and endless, with great big waves and white beaches…”

He couldn’t help but smile as he trailed off.

“You know, you have the most handsome face, when you smile…”

Lafayette commented softly. 

Alex looked down at him, startled, the smile dropping right off his face he was so surprised. 

Lafayette tsked softly.

“And now it’s gone again.”

He sighed as if pained, and turned his gaze back up to the sky. 

Alex watched this strange man curiously, intrigued, and warming to him despite his best intentions. Cautious, distrusting, and yet….

“What about the stars, Alexander?”

Lafayette murmured. 

Alex frowned, tipping his head slightly to the side, unsure.

“What?”

“The stars. At your home. Are they the same as this?”

Lafayette pointed up at the sky. 

After a long moment of hesitation, Alex lay down beside him on his back, and looked. He was hyper aware of Lafayette beside him, just within reach, his large body stretched out in the cool grass. For a long moment the only sound was the stream, talking gaily to itself, and the solitary song of a cricket. Lafayette’s breathing was slow and deep and easy. 

Alex looked up, paused for the first time since they’d marched from the village, and just looked at the inky indigo sky and the far away stars.

It did something unexpected to him, made him pause, made him think. His anger cooled, his blind rage and fierce non-stop energy pausing for a deep breath.

“…they’re the same.”

Looking up at the same stars, when he himself was so far from home…

It made him feel small. 

He looked over at Lafayette, and found the other scout already watching him, head turned to the side, small smile on his handsome face…

This too, did something to Alex.

Made him soften a little more, made him warm from the inside, the first tendrils of something blooming in the night air between them. 

“They are the same where I come from, too.”

Lafayette whispered. Alex frowned, then nodded, cool grass against his cheek. It made sense. The distance was long, but not that long.

Lafayette reached out, slow but sure, and let his fingers brush Alex’s cheek. 

Alex’s skin heated at the contact, and he opened his mouth to say something, then paused. His heart skipped a beat as Lafayette shifted, slow, careful, closed the distance between them. They never broke eye contact, and Alex was frozen, waiting, surprise more than anything keeping him rooted to the spot. 

Lafayette’s hand settled on his cheek, his gaze flicking to Alex’s mouth, and then back up to his eyes. 

Alex held his breath. His heart beat wildly in his chest when Lafayette leaned closer still, and then their faces were a fraction of an inch apart, and Lafayette’s eyes fluttered closed, and his breath puffed hot over Alex’s lips, and Alex almost closed his eyes, almost gave in, but then his heart kicked up again and he pulled back sharply, flinching away and rolling out from under Lafayette’s hand.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?! You’re my enemy! Of all the- I can’t believe you- don’t you have camp whores you can fuck with- what the actual fuck- shit- what even- ugh!”

He was on his feet, angrily brushing grass from his breeches, glaring daggers at Lafayette, who had sat up but made no move to stand. 

“Honestly!”

Alex whirled, done with this, this strange man and his conversation and the way he made Alex feel at ease and the way something in his body pulled hard towards the other man, the way he made Alex want to forget that they were opposite sides of a war…

“I’ll be here tomorrow, should you choose to return, little prickle bush.”

Lafayette’s voice, soft and repentant.

Alex gestured rudely over his shoulder, and stalked off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need comments like Mer!John needs Laf.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long, I really, really struggled with this chapter.

Days passed, too quiet for the middle of a war.

Nights passed, too easy for the middle of a war.

With every passing hour the tension grew and grew. The Va’an army picked up, moved. So did the Lindel army. Two forces circling one another, waiting.

A pause.

A breath.

Two scouts under stars at night, circling one another much the same.

They met every night. Talked. Argued. Lay in the grass and looked at the stars.

Alex felt something new settling inside him, a slowing down, a peace, the hurricane force of rage that drove him calming at the sight of Lafayette. His heart skipped beats when they came together, and sank like a stone when they parted.

It crept up on him until, seeming as though all of a sudden, Alex’s fury, his rage, his thirst was all tempered by a strong pull from the deepest parts of him towards Lafayette. Closer and closer and closer still as if it could ever be enough.

-

The fighting began again.

Two armies clashing together over land, and things that neither could remember anymore.

Thousands dead and wounded, on both sides, and Alex was up to his neck in the melee. No end in sight. His days blurred into the clash of steel on steel and then smell of blood so thick he could taste it in the back of his throat. The sounds men made as they died. He was too busy just trying to stay alive to even think to look for Lafayette, but the entire time battle raged, fear had its sharp teeth deep in his heart.

The first night they had a break in the action, Alex raced to the creek.

He waited for hours, until the sun kissed the sky and bloomed across tree tops.

No Lafayette.

Fear dug its teeth in deeper, and shook, trying to break his neck.

-

The Va’an army retreated, scattering into the trees, pulling back, no white flag just a hapless fleeing. Set up camp to regroup just out of reach of the Linden army. Broken. Bleeding. But not beaten.

Alex snuck out again after his nightly patrol, struck into what was now enemy territory, following the creek.

He carried his heart in his throat, exhaustion tugging at his heels, hope burning a hole through his chest even as he couldn’t breathe through fear of what he might not find.

“Alexander!”

Lafayette’s sharp hiss from the shadows startled Alex and he froze, and then Lafayette was there and he was in one piece and unharmed and the force of Alex’s relief nearly knocked him to his knees.

“You’re alright! I was so worried!”

He stepped towards Lafayette and then Lafayette was grabbing him, pulling him into the shadows and pulling him close, arms wrapped tight around him, and Alex choked on a sob that surprised the hell out of him and hugged Lafayette back, and it felt so good to be close, Lafayette’s heart beating against his chest, his arms around him.

“Oh my prickle bush, I am so glad you are safe, I couldn’t stand it if something happened to you.”

“I came yesterday but you weren’t here!”

“I could not get away…”

Alex’s heart beat wildly in his chest. To be close to Lafayette after being away from him for a few days, to be held in his arms after the seemingly endless tide of battle, to have him solid and real and here after not knowing if he’d lived and died… 

Alex shook with the force of it all, crushing wave of every high and low of the past few days. 

“I couldn’t stand not knowing you were alright-“

Lafayette pulled back, gripped Alex’s face in both hands, and Alex’s breath caught in his throat, all thoughts of Lafayette the enemy gone from his head, leaving only thoughts of Lafayette, the man he’d grown so fond of…

So when Lafayette caught him in a crushing kiss, Alex melted into him with a desperate whine, his hands shoving up into Lafayette’s hair to tangle there. Lafayette’s tongue licked purposefully into Alex’s mouth and his blood heated, he pressed closer, needed more, needed it all. 

Tongues tangled, Lafayette stroking deep into Alex’s mouth until Alex was weak and trembling in his arms. 

“I’m sorry my love, I could not help it.”

Lafayette whispered, lips brushing Alex’s, a thrill running through Alex’s body at the word ‘love’. 

“Please.”

He whispered in response, not sorry at all. Propelled forward by equal parts desperate fear and desperate need. 

With a low groan, Lafayette kissed Alex again, crowded into him and forced him to back up, clinging to Lafayette like a lifeline. One more step and he found himself pressed up against the trunk of a tree, Lafayette’s large body crushing up against him, kissing him hard, desperate. 

Alex was trapped, pressed against the rough bark of the tree at his back and Lafayette’s muscular body in front, and he’d barely touched Lafayette before, not really, and now he was flush against him, and then Lafayette was grabbing his hips, lifting him up, hand on his ass to hoist him higher and Alex got the hint, wrapped his legs tight around Lafayette’s waist so that Lafayette could press in and swivel his hips and oh, yeah… 

Alex let out a wanton moan, head falling back against the tree trunk as the hard swell of Lafayette’s cock rubbed right up against Alex’s cock through his breeches. 

Lafayette kissed down his neck, licked into the hollow at the base of his throat, kissed back up to bite his jaw bone, just hard enough to make Alex shiver, just hard enough to let Alex know he’d bite harder… 

“Lafayette…”

His name was a prayer on Alex’s lips. 

“Is this okay, Alexander?”

Lafayette kissed Alex’s ear, tugged at his ear lobe with his teeth. 

“Yes, oh gods yes.”

Alex was undone with want of Lafayette, burning up from the inside out. 

Lafayette pulled back, watched Alex’s face as he rocked their hips together, that friction so sweet, so perfect. 

“Are you sure?”

“Shut up and kiss me again.”

Alex grabbed Lafayette’s face with both hands and pulled him back in, scorching kiss that seared his heart, and he could have sworn nothing in his life had ever felt as right as this. 

Lafayette laughed against his mouth, slipped one hand between them to palm Alex’s cock through his breeches and stroke through the fabric, coaxing heated moans into their hot, wet kiss. 

Alex tugged at Lafayette’s shirt, got it up out of his breeches and slid his hands under, stroking up Lafayette’s smooth, warm body, groaning deep at the contact. His senses were filled with Lafayette, his smell, his taste, the warmth of his skin under Alex’s fingers and the pressure of his hand on Alex’s cock, the solid feel of his body between Alex’s legs, holding him up, the sound of the soft moan he made in response to Alex’s hands on his skin…

Lafayette’s hand found Alex’s belt buckle, tugged it open, slid his hand inside. Alex sucked in a sharp breath at the touch of Lafayette’s hand directly on his achingly hard cock, those long fingers curling around it to pump him with firm strokes. 

“Ah, Laf- Laf!”

Alex bucked against him, helpless and needy, didn’t care that Lafayette had taken him apart so easily, just needed _more_.

“Shh, oh my love, you are so sweet when you give in…”

Lafayette murmured against Alex’s mouth. He thumbed over the sensitive head of Alex’s cock, slicked precome down the length, pumped him a little faster. 

“I love you falling apart on my hand, oh, love… come for me, come in my hand…”

Lafayette’s voice, low and hot and sweet, and Alex was panting, hips arching, cock dripping hard and needy into Lafayette’s strong fingers. 

“Laf, Laf, oh, shit, Laf!”

Alex’s vocabulary was reduced to Lafayette’s name as his release slammed into him. His cock pulsed in Lafayette’s hand, seed spilling over his long fingers. He went boneless in Lafayette’s arms, breathing hard, his head resting back against the trunk of the tree. 

Lafayette kissed along his jaw, then found his mouth again and kissed him with such care, such adoration, that Alex nearly fell apart in a whole different way. He swallowed hard against emotions he didn’t want to feel, and pulled back from the kiss just enough to whisper- 

“Can I suck your cock?”

Felt Lafayette shift, press his cock into Alex again and groan softly. 

“Please.”

He murmured, voice rough. He let Alex gently down, tucked him back into his breeches, and let him go. The traded places, Lafayette leaning back against the tree trunk, and Alex dropping to his knees at his feet. 

“Alexander...”

There was something heavy in Lafayette’s voice that Alex couldn’t bear to hear, so he leaned forward, nosed Lafayette’s hard cock through his breeches, breathed in the smell of him – sweat and spice and sex. He stroked his hands up Lafayette’s thighs, found his belt buckle and fumbled it undone. Found the head of his cock through his breeches and mouthed it, teasing. 

“Oh you are naughty, making me wait…”

Lafayette’s hand cupped Alex under the chin, lifted his head enough so their gazes caught, dark, heavy, pupils blown. 

“…I think you deserve to be gagged with my glove after all. Made to wait, unable to cry and beg…”

Alex inhaled sharply, dick twitching at the thought, his cheeks flushed. Lafayette grinned wickedly.

“Get to work, my love, or we might just find out how much you like that idea…”

Something dark, dark, dark in Lafayette’s voice that dripped with promise and made Alex shiver and moan softly.

His fingers trembled as he pushed Lafayette’s breeches out of the way, freeing his flushed and dripping cock. Glanced up at Lafayette one more time, breath caught in his throat at the way Lafayette was looking at him, closed his eyes as if that could shut the feelings out before they grew too big to swallow.

Swallowed Lafayette’s cock instead. 

Lafayette swore, smacking his hand against the tree trunk.

Alex groaned at the stretch of Lafayette’s thick cock in his mouth and throat. Swallowed around him, throat fluttering teasingly –and okay, maybe showing off a little. Pulled all the way off to suckle the tip, tongue flickering over Lafayette’s slit. 

“Alexander… oh, gods, Alexander!”

Lafayette’s fingers found Alex’s hair, tangled there, tugged hard enough to make Alex moan in delight as he swallowed Lafayette’s cock down again. 

“You look incredible with your mouth full of my cock Alexander…”

Lafayette scratched at Alex’s scalp, then tangled his fingers tight in his hair. Used his hold on Alex’s hair to move his head for him. Alex flushed, bristled a little at being used like this, but couldn’t deny that it stirred something in him as well. He cupped Lafayette’s balls in his hand, rolled his fingers over them. Kept his tongue flat, mouth and throat open, let Lafayette direct his head for a moment, then took over again, tongue lapping at the underside of Lafayette’s cock. 

“Ahh… Alex… can I come in your mouth?”

Alex moaned enthusiastically, swallowed Lafayette deep again. 

“Alexanderrrr….”

Lafayette’s hips jerked as he came, pumping his seed hot and thick down Alex’s waiting throat. 

Alex pulled off, lips wet and shining, tucked Lafayette’s cock back into his breeches and sat back on his heels to grin open mouthed up at him. 

Lafayette slid down the tree trunk and opened his arms, tired smile on his face.

“Come here.”

Alex’s smile softened and he folded himself in between Lafayette’s legs, into his arms, fit himself against Lafayette’s warm body and relished the feeling even as his heart kicked up a staccato beat of fear. 

For a long moment, there was nothing but quiet.

“You make it so hard to hate you.”

Alex whispered into the night. 

Lafayette shook his head, pressed a kiss to the side of Alex’s head that made shame and guilt and fear burn bright inside Alex. 

“I do not want you to hate me, Alex. I am in love with you.”

He said it plainly, and it still hit Alex like a punch to the gut, sent tension thrumming through his body like lightning. 

“But…”

Alex pulled back, stared at Lafayette, bewildered. 

“I do.”

Alex opened his mouth to speak and Lafayette shook his head.

“You are the most vibrant star in these too-short nights.”

He cupped Alex’s face with both hands, kissed the breath from his lungs, the beat from his heart. 

“I love you. Never doubt that.”

Whispered words against Alex’s mouth, and Alex felt fear and hope and desperate desire for things he couldn’t believe he’d ever have.

“Then come over. Join our cause.”

He whispered back, words hot and desperate and out of his mouth before he could call them back. He felt Lafayette flinch and closed his eyes, cold fear washing over him in a wave. 

“I… Alex… it’s not that easy…”

Lafayette started to speak and Alex’s heart sank deeper and deeper with every word. 

“Why not?”

He pleaded, dark eyes searching Lafayette’s mournful face.

“I have many friends in the army… I can’t just turn away from everything I know… I would be throwing away my entire life…”

As he spoke, Alex pushed back, got to his feet, his heart in his throat. Lafayette stood too, a beat slower. Stepped towards Alex as Alex stepped back. 

“So instead you fight against everything I stand for? You don’t really love me Lafayette-“

“Alexander just give me time, please-“

“-you just love the idea of me.”

“I do love you! I just need time to figure it out Alex! I can’t just drop everything and switch sides-“

“Meanwhile you’ll keep killing my people?!”

“Alex please-“

“Fuck you Lafayette. You’re a coward and a liar.”

Alex hissed, couldn’t bear to look at this man who he’d grown so deeply fond of, who stood for everything Alex fought against…

Whirled, and fled, deaf to Lafayette’s shout.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thanks one_golden_sun & eeevieee for letting me bounce ideas off you <3

“Hamilton, wait!”

Alex stopped in his tracks, his commander’s voice strong and clear through the evening air. He turned, standing at attention as Washington approached. 

“Sir?”

“We lost Martling in the last skirmish. You’re promoted to Officer and taking over his command. I’ve replaced your scout patrol already, I need you with me in strategy meetings.”

Washington’s hand clapped heavy onto Alex’s shoulder, steered him back into camp with him. 

“I- Th-thank you, Sir, it’s an honour!”

Alex stammered, caught off guard, simultaneously elated at the opportunity, and ignoring his sinking heart at the thought of Lafayette…

Angrily, he shoved thoughts of the other scout away. He should have known better than to get involved with anyone from Lindel in the first place. Of course Lafayette wouldn’t put anything on the line for him, not truly. 

Why would he?

He had everything he could ever want in life without lifting a finger, what could he possibly need Alex for?

He was a fool for ever believing in what he thought they’d carved out of moonlight.

They reached the command tent as the sun set, and Alex turned all thoughts to how to win this war and take the Lindel army down. 

All of them.

-

Later, lying on his back in his tent, trying to catch an hour or two of sleep before getting up, Alex’s anger softened at the edges.

Left endless hurt and fear in its wake.

His heart ached and ached and ached. Hours and hours and hours under the stars, conversation flowing easy, trust given painstakingly…

All for nothing at all.

He hurt all over, a full body ache of missing Lafayette, his smile, his voice, his touch… 

He couldn’t keep him out of his head, and had to swallow hard against regret that he had been too harsh, had acted too rashly, unfairly. He missed him so…

He loved him so.

He wished he’d said the words when they were together, offered Lafayette something back when he’d reached out with both hands and heart wide open. 

Instead he’d pushed too hard because fear wouldn’t allow him to believe that something as precious as love could be given so freely, that anything good would ever come into his life that easily, and so he couldn’t trust it. Couldn’t get around the thick lump of fear in his throat at the possibility that maybe instead of being too good to be true, it was just true. 

All Lafayette had asked for was time.

Alex was a fool for not giving it to him.

-

Lafayette returned to the creek the next night, holding hope close in his heart. 

That hope flickered but didn’t die when Alex didn’t appear. 

He came back again the next night, the same hope still desperate in his heart. He wanted to talk with Alex, explain things more, try to help him see why it wasn’t so easy to just drop his whole life… 

Anything just to see him again, even if just to say goodbye with less anger, if that was all that would come of it.

Anything but this empty pain, this ache at ending things so wrong, so raw.

The sound of footsteps caught his ears and he paused, listened. The night was calm and clear, stars out, not a cloud to be seen. 

There was more than one set of footsteps.

Holding his breath, Lafayette melted back into the shadows. Two scouts appeared, neither of them Alex. Dread replaced hope in Lafayette’s heart. 

“Now what?”

“He said this was the spot…”

Lafayette closed his eyes for a moment, swallowed hard, praying he was wrong, praying that this wasn’t actually happening, that Alex wouldn’t, he couldn’t…

“He should be here…”

…he had.

Lafayette’s heart sank like a stone, the full impact of Alex’s words finally hitting him, the sharp, deep cut of betrayal. His blind faith in love having led him only to ruin. 

He swayed at the loss, heart ripped from his chest at the completeness of Alex’s rejection of him. 

“Maybe if we just wait.”

How long would he have to stay here, back pressed to a tree, only just out of sight? His position was precarious at best, one wrong move and they’d be right on him. 

He’d have to risk it while he had the upper hand. 

Lafayette gathered himself, took a deep breath, and took off at a dead run. Left his heart in the dirt behind him. 

He heard the scouts shout, felt the rush of an arrow through the air beside his head, too close. Wove through the trees, didn’t dare look behind him, running for his life. 

He slowed when he was sure he’d made it to safety. 

Oh, Alexander…


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is very short.

The war raged on.

The two armies clashed again in a bitter fight. 

Lafayette marched with his fellow soldiers, dead inside, exhausted through and through. Days blurred into nights and the death tolls climbed and Lafayette threw himself into the fray for the simple need not to think, not to feel. Nocked and fired arrows mechanically. Lost count of how many he killed, lost count of how many times he avoided death himself. 

Couldn’t do this anymore.

Couldn’t abandon his friends now.

Missed Alexander with all of his heart and more.

Felt ten kinds of fool for still caring so deeply for the person who’d betrayed him so cold heartedly, so completely. 

Just wanted to go home, didn’t want to fight this fight anymore, not now that he knew the humanity behind the ‘enemy’. 

Stuck here because honour wouldn’t let him abandon his friends as it all began to come to a head. 

The sun was high in a clear sky, sweat beading on Lafayette’s forehead and his upper lip. Small moment of respite before the next wave of fighting. The hot smell of blood and dying in the air and in his nostrils, thick press of bodies on all sides, he just needed a clear shot-

Nocked an arrow, raised his bow-

Sighted movement in the trees-

Pulled back his bowstring-

The first of the enemy army into view and Lafayette finished pulling his bow back, string taught, muscles poised for release, got the first good look at his target across the battlefield-

Alexander-

Almost released the arrow-

Froze, his heart in his throat, the world coming to a screeching halt-

Hesitated a beat, and moved to pull his shot away, couldn’t do it no matter what Alex had done to him-

Someone knocked into him from the side, jostled his elbow and the arrow was gone, streaking across the battle field and Alex looked up and his eyes met Lafayette’s and grew impossibly wide and the arrow streaked towards him and-

“Alexander!”

His name ripped from Lafayette’s throat on a howl-

The arrow thunked into Alex’s chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sorry.

**Author's Note:**

> comment please <3
> 
> Come find me on tumblr: @ninyaaaaaaah


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